Few things in life are simultaneously as exciting and terrifying as the moment when you first hold your newborn child. I remember when Esther was born. After twelve hours of labor, (which for me merely involved rubbing Abigail’s back) we got to hold this unbelievably tiny human for the first time. Fast forward nine months and lots has changed but one thing remains the same, every day is an adventure.
Parenting may be an adventure but it isn’t always, or even often, glamorous. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t tired. As beautiful as parenting can be, it is incredibly difficult. Discouragement runs rampant in churches, statistics say we are losing the younger generation, and for some of us, we need to look no further than our own homes to see the symptoms. I’ll be honest, few things cost me as much sleep as the fears that linger beneath the surface about my parenting. I have no idea what I am doing. When we left the hospital with our newborn Esther in tow, my thought process was trailing somewhere along the following lines “Wait….you are letting me take her home? Isn’t there a test I have to pass first or something? No…seriously you need to rethink this…have you met me??” At the core of our parenting struggle is our own sinfulness and ignorance. We don’t know what we should and aren’t who we need to be. We need the gospel to be daily applied to our hearts in order to parent faithfully.
Synopsis:
Tripp has a unique approach to writing a parenting book and I think it is something worth our time to read. If you were to search on Amazon for parenting books, you would find numerous results. The common factor in many of them is that they are essentially self-help books or, put another way, “how to parent when your kids do x” books. Parenting is written not as a book to address certain aspects of parenting but as a sort of biblical theology on parenting. It seeks to provide a bird’s eye view on what parenting is, according to Scripture and thus help us to see that what we need isn’t more situational wisdom but strategic vision.
This book was written as an answer to a problem. Throughout his many teaching engagements, Tripp encountered many parents who were discouraged. They felt defeated and alone, even though they loved their kids and wanted them to grow up as godly individuals. In the midst of the seemingly endless struggle of parenting, these parents desperately wanted to know what was missing from their parenting. Tripp believes that part of the problem of parenting is that we have forgotten how it fits into the bigger picture. What is needed is a more holistic understand of the gospel and how it applies to parenting.
After laying this foundation, one is led through fourteen gospel principles that radically redefine how we should approach parenting. In each chapter, Tripp seeks to address a key aspect of the gospel and articulate how it applies to parenting as a whole. These principles range from Identity, to the importance of Grace in parenting. Ultimately he sets out to show us that to grow as parents we don’t need more practical tips we need more Jesus and His gospel. Practical advice is great but apart from a gospel centered vision for parenting we will flounder.
Examination:
On the positive side, Tripp is steeped in the gospel as revealed in Scripture. He truly believes that the gospel of Jesus Christ is the solution to every problem we face as parents. Over and over again he applies the gospel to common parenting problems to show how Jesus changes everything. Each principle presents a biblical truth and then faithfully unpacks the implications to parenting. By way of example, one of the chapters covers the idea of control. When I first got to this chapter, I chuckled. Control and parenting aren’t normally concepts that I readily associate with each other. If anything, chaos is my default. But as he discussed our tendency as parents to seek to control our kids I found myself nodding along. But that is the point. As fallen human beings, we want others to submit to our wants and desires. The need to control has more to do with our own sinful need to be at the center of the universe than it does our children’s behavior. Only by recognizing that at the core of our problem as parents is our own sinful tendencies and desires will we come to grips with the fact that not only are we unable to control our kids but we also should not want to.
Approachability is one of this book’s key strengths. Sometimes when an “expert” on a given topic seeks to communicate with her audience she comes across as aloof, superior, and unrelatable. This creates a monumental barrier. Paul Tripp is anything but aloof. At each moment he strives to place himself alongside parents working through like. He is “in the trenches with them”. He hasn’t figured this out and he doesn’t have all the answers. A primary way approachability is demonstrated is by the willingness of the author to admit his own failures in parenting and remind his audience that, in Christ there is forgiveness. Parenting isn’t something you “figure out”. it is a constant and continual calling that grows us and conforms us into Christ’s image. It is a lifelong part of our process of sanctification.
No book is without flaws. Parenting is sound in principle but struggles at times with presentation. To be clear, this is just my opinion. While a “bird’s eye view of parenting is essential, it is a foundation that needs building on. Sometimes it feels like Tripp is saying that all we need are Gospel Principles. We also need wisdom and practical advice in order to apply them. I think he would definitely agree that this book is merely a starting point, I just wish he had put in an application.
Summary:
Tripp paints a beautiful and cohesive canvas of how the gospel of Jesus Christ provides both the procedures for and the power behind godly parenting. If you are looking for a book with practical steps to tell you how to get through the terrible twos intact…you may want to keep looking. But if you are looking for a book to ground you for all phases of parenting, then this is an irreplaceable resource. 1