Earlier this week I reviewed Paul Tripp’s book Parenting. In the midst of writing, it occurred to me that a more in-depth summary of the principles covered in the book would be beneficial. What follows is the first of four blogs exploring the implications that these fourteen gospel truths have on biblical parenting. My hope is that they can provide a list of helpful concepts that would encourage and strengthen all our us as we seek to faithfully parent our children.

Calling: Nothing is more important in your life than being one of God’s tools to form a human soul.

It has been a little over nine months since we welcomed our daughter Esther into the world. I remember thinking about how beautiful and amazing parenting was going to be. I remember wondering how anyone could ever think of parenting as just a job to do. Don’t get me wrong, I knew it would be hard…I just figured it would feel different. Now it feels as though the moment we adjust to something, be it her sleep schedule, behavior, etc, she changes. From what I have gathered from more seasoned parents, this is par for the course.

I love being a parent. Yet still, there are days when it feels like an endless to-do list. I look back over the last few months and am convicted that, honestly, many days have unfolded as a seemingly endless grind of meeting the bare minimum requirements of my day, finally get Esther to sleep, and then recharge; ready the next morning to restart the arduous process. I am realizing that one of the more difficult aspects of parenting is the continuous nature of it. Anything difficult is tolerable if you have a “light at the end of the tunnel”. With parenting that is 18+ years down the road and if we are blessed with more children in the future, it could be considerably longer. On the harder days, that realization can be deeply discouraging.

As I reflected on my frustration it occurred to me that my fundamental problem wasn’t that parenting is hard. My core issue is that I have an unbiblical view of priorities. I was viewing the parts of parenting that I don’t like as hinderances when in fact that are inseparable parts of it. When difficulties arise, our first tendency is to seek relief. Scripture teaches, however, that trials are used by God to grow and mature us.¹ In parenting, the chaos that our kids unleash is more than a revelation of their sinfulness and need for God’s grace, it highlights my sinfulness. In addition, I don’t view parenting as the glorious task that it really is. I constantly fall into the trap of viewing parenting as merely feeding, clothing, and sheltering Esther until she is able to do so herself. While these are all vital aspects of parenting, they are not the end goal. We seek to train her up in righteousness. To be a daily model of God’s love and mercy. To in all things point her to Christ as one of his ambassadors. This is truly a high and blessed calling. So let us embrace it. We haven’t been called to make “good children”. We have been called to represent Christ to train and teach our children about the great God we serve.

Grace: God never calls you to a task without giving you what you need to do it. He never sends you without going with you.

Parenting is overwhelming. Day by day we are responsible to provide for our children. Day by day we are tested in new ways. Just when we think that we have gotten a handle on it, something new happens and throws a wrench in how we view what normal is. If parenting rested on us alone, then we would be lost. Luckily, we do not stand alone.

In the first chapter, we were introduced to the importance of understanding that God’s calling on our lives is fundamental both on our identity and how we live our lives. That calling gives us a biblical worldview of the importance of our parenting. This second point provides hope for our success and strength in our fight. We desperately need help and the good news is that the Lord of the universe has promised never to leave or forsake us. He has given us a difficult task but also provides all that we need to accomplish it. When we feel discouraged after the tenth fight of the day that we have had to break up. When training seems to be failing. We feel discouraged not just because it isn’t working but because, deep down, we question if it will ever work. We lack the faith to believe that God’s grace truly is enough and he has given us all we need ²

Grace is foundational in biblical parenting because we, the parents, are sinners too. We wrestle daily in the spiritual war between following Christ and following our own selfish desires. As I mentioned previously, I have been brought face to face with my own selfishness more in the past nine months than I thought possible. There are moments when all that I feel is inadequate. The good news is that my weakness makes manifest Christ’s strength. When discouragement sets in, we cling to Christ’s faithfulness and power. I cant be the perfect parent, but God is the perfect Father. I don’t have what it takes to change my child’s heart, but Jesus is mighty to save. I cant make myself less selfish, but the Spirit of God dwells within me to conform me to His image.

Law: Your children need God’s law, but you cannot ask the law to do what only grace can accomplish.

We live in a world of extremes. On the one hand, we have those who tout the importance of living in accordance with God’s commands. They wax eloquent on the importance of law keeping. On the other, are those who preach “grace”. Because Jesus has died for our sins, we can live free of that condemnation. The fact of the matter is that both are true. God’s law is good and just, the standard which all are measured by. Yet we are sinners and incapable of living in obedience to this law. Thankfully, God’s grace entered the picture in the form of his Son Jesus. Becuase of Jesus there is no sin so great it cannot be forgiven. However, we need to rightly balance both grace and law so as to be biblical in our parenting.

If we are all honest, I think we can admit that sometimes we slip too far into a legalistic approach to parenting. We know that our kids are sinners. We know that sin will be punished. How do we react? We strive to break our children of their sinful behavior and make them into good children. We force them to read their Bibles, memorize scripture, and teach them not to associate with any bad influences. Sounds good, right? Here’s the problem, the sinful behavior points to a much deeper issue, a sinful heart. We cant moralize our kids into heaven. God’s law was never intended to be the solution to our problem but rather a testament to the fact that we have one. No one is righteous….no one seeks God. The good news is that He has sought us.

God’s law is good. It is essential to a biblical understanding of His character. It exposes our sin and demonstrates our desperate need for a Savior. While all this is true, the law cannot save us. The law condemns, the grace of Christ brings life. Our kids desperately need to be taught both sides of the coin so that they will have a holistic understanding of who God is and who they are in relation to Him. Our kids need to know God’s goodness and their sinfulness, but we need to be careful that we don’t stop there. We use the law to show our children that we are all in desperate need of a Saviour and then we preach grace to show them what a magnificent God we serve. In the next post, we will unpack the three more principles from Paul Tripp’s book.